Can I make myself love someone?

What happens if you simply do not feel love for a certain person (even if it’s a spouse or mother). The feeling of “love” is just not there. Do you act as if you do or convince yourself that you do love them even though you don’t feel it until you do feel it? You can care for a person and don’t want any harm to them, but just don’t “love” them. Perhaps I have the wrong perception of what love is or can be. I love my two children to death (figure of speech); therefore, I know what feeling love is. What are your thoughts as I’m struggling with this.  Blessings, Lyne 

Dear Lyne…My mother has always said we love in many different ways. I don’t love my sister the same way that I love my father. I don’t love a former sweetheart the same way I love my husband. I don’t even love my favorite cat Pippin the same way I love our kitten, Beanie! This is because each and every one of us is unique.

I also think it’s entirely possible to love someone at an intellectual level, but not like them, or at least, not like their actions or their way of being in the world. Remember, we are vibratory beings.  And just as in music, vibrations either resonate and or they’re dissonant. When two vibrations resonate, they flow harmoniously together, but when two vibrations are dissonant, it feels quite uncomfortable. It might help you to understand, though, that just because certain wave forms may not resonate with each other, it doesn’t make either one of them “bad.”  Sometimes our vibes just don’t jibe!

I’m sorry if this isn’t the answer you want to hear about your spouse, but I learned the hard way (after a long seven-year relationship) that I couldn’t force myself to feel romantic love. I loved the guy “to death,” to use your words, thinking that I would eventually fall in love with him, but it never happened. Our bond was loyal and deep and full of love, just not that kind of love. The chemistry was just not there and I couldn’t will it to happen, no matter how much I wanted to. Perhaps other people are different, but I know I’ll never go down that road again. Thankfully, we parted in the kindest, most loving way possible.  And after enough healing time, we ended up remaining the dear friends we were all along… thank God!

Now, in the case of your mother, who you are expected to spend some amount of time with throughout your life, it may indeed, behoove you to act as if you love her if you want to spare her feelings, but always “to thine own self be true.” You either feel love for her or you don’t, and it doesn’t make you a bad daughter if you don’t. Give yourself the breathing room you need in the relationship and forgive yourself for your feelings if you haven’t done so already. If you think you can be with her from time to time in a positive way, you might feel good about doing that, especially for her sake, but I would make the phone calls or visits brief enough that you stay happy throughout the encounters. It wouldn’t serve either of you if the visits are so long they begin to deteriorate.

I hope this helps, Lyne. If you need more personal assistance with this, please feel free to call on one of us CWG Life Coaches. The first session is always free. You can find out more about this opportunity by following this link here:

Conversations with God Life Coaches

(Annie Sims is the Global Director of The Conversations With God School, is a CWG Life Coach and author/instructor of the CWG Online School. To connect with Annie, please email her at Annie@TheGlobalConversation.com.

(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to:  Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com where our team is waiting to hear from you.)

Comments

3 responses to “Can I make myself love someone?”

  1. Erin/IAm Avatar
    Erin/IAm

    Annie…Great advice! Perfect, actually!:)

  2. Marie Avatar
    Marie

    Hello:

    I’ve read all three books “Converstions with God”, and received many insights as to our relationship with all it was intended to expose. It was and still is eye openning and helped me understand more then I did prior to finding those books. However, there are two subjects that were not discussed, and I feel that are a very big problem in our worldly society, most importantly child abuse and molestations, and secondly murder and/or torture of another living being. Child abuse and molestations is on top of my list. I’ve inquired about that issue and there is no one that has justified this big problem in this worldly society. Does God have a reason why this happens? Any thoughts and answers, Please email me PLEASE! BECAUSE IT HAPPEN TO ME, WHY?

  3. mewabe Avatar
    mewabe

    Marie, I may not be qualified to answer your question, but I will offer some personal thoughts that have nothing to do with the CWG material:

    The belief that anything and everything that happens in life is God’s will leads to absurd thoughts, in my opinion.

    Yes, we are not separate from the divine in our essence (at the soul level)…yes, all life is imbued with the divine presence. But, there is a difference between humans and all other creatures: we have free will and creative power, as well as the ability to develop conceptual thoughts.

    The power of our minds is astounding, but as with everything, we can use it creatively or destructively. This freedom is a divine gift, but to think that, for example, torturing another human being is part of God’s plan is…ludicrous at best.

    Gods’ only plan is life and living…look at nature all around you: everything is in a constant state of regeneration and growth…death and decay are part of the natural cycles, torture, abuse are not.

    These are solely human creations, human choices. They are caused by forms of mental illness. Although some positive outcome can emerge from any negative situation, they are not meant to be part of our way of life…they are ABERRATIONS.

    The freedom enjoyed by human beings includes that of departing from our nature, of going crazy with cruelty, hatred, fear, sadism. These are not divine attributes, they are nightmarish illusions temporarily created by us only, because we have been given, by God, the ability to create and act IN SYNC WITH DIVINE ENERGY OR OUT OF SYNC WITH IT.

    There are no consequences for “wrongdoing”, no divine punishment, no karma, only suffering, inflicted on others and on the self.

    And no, there is no devil or evil, there is just the human mind…healthy or unhealthy, in tune with the soul or out of tune with the divine within.

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