If God doesn’t want anything from me,
why do I expect so much from you?
Yes, it is almost here again, Valentine’s Day. The arrival of this “Day of Love” can produce a broad spectrum of experiences for those who are touched by it. For some it will glide in on the wings of new-found love and breathtaking romance. For others it will simply not arrive at all – or at least not in the way it is desired. Either way, has Valentine’s Day evolved into just another holiday which places the focus of what it is we all imagine ourselves to desire in a relationship firmly in the thoughts, choices, and actions of another? Will he buy me flowers? Maybe he will shower me with expensive jewelry or escort me to the finest restaurant in town? Perhaps she will have sex with me? Will I even be the recipient of a thoughtful card?
But what happens when the thoughts, choices, and actions of another on this particular day fall short of what we are hoping to experience? Is Valentine’s Day truly a day of love, a celebration of partnership, a reminder of our unity? Or rather, is it just another day of consumerism, the perfect setup for unrealistic expectations, and perhaps more divisive than cohesive when it comes to moving forward in our partnerships?
Are we so attached to the external shiny objects that are dangled in front of our senses on this day – the flowers, the candy, the jewelry, the food, the sex, the presents, the promises – that we lose sight and stray off of the path that will truly lead us to the experience of joy, happiness, and love in our relationships?
Don’t get me wrong. I am not a prude. And I love romance – hey, I am the “Romance & Relationship” columnist after all! But I have found myself on the receiving end of feeling disappointed on Valentine’s Day for not receiving a card or a gift and constructing some pretty harsh judgments around that, placing myself in a position of asking myself, “What is that about?” Especially when that particular person never let a moment go by where his love and presence were not wholly known and deeply felt in ways that transcended the potential of any material expression.
If God does not want or need anything from me, why do I place those expectations upon the person with whom I share my life’s journey? Could it be that somewhere along the line I was taught and then adopted the idea that love was measured in direct proportion to that which I was either giving or receiving? The more you give me, the more you love me? The more I receive, the more I am loved?
And if that is not the case, then how DO we express this thing called “love”?
How do we express that which is so profound and so complex and so seemingly “unexpressable” in our limited human capacity?
My life has demonstrated to me that the answer to that question is foundationed in first understanding and living each moment of your life in full awareness of the Agenda of your Soul, and understanding that the people with whom we share a relationship also have a Soul Agenda — whether they are aware of it or not.
But what does the Agenda of my Soul have to do with Valentine’s Day? Or my partnership? Or anything I do, for that matter?
It has everything to do with not only those things, but each and every choice I make and the entire purpose of my life. If I am clear on the Agenda of my Soul — or at least recognize that I have one — and when my partner, too, is living in alignment with his Soul’s Agenda, then our love, our companionship, our presence in each other’s life becomes an expression of that purpose and that intention, creating moment after moment of experiencing our communion with God and Unity with each other, reaching completion of that which we are here to experience…Over and Over and Over again…knowing ourselves as Soulmates and remembering who we really are.
I could be wrong. It could really about the chocolates and the lingerie and the sappy cards. I could measure the extent of my spouse’s love and commitment against the value of the gifts he may – or may not – give to me. I could hinge the purpose of our relationship upon a single day, in single a year, and what I “get” out of it.
But I don’t think so.
I sense that it is much, much larger than that. I may happen to receive a sweet card or some exotic flowers or perhaps go out for a romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day. Or I may not. Either way, I am very clear on one thing: my Soul will not yearn for more or less than the perfect experience of being exactly who I already know myself to be: LOVE.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)