If God doesn’t want anything from me,
why do I expect so much from you?

Yes, it is almost here again, Valentine’s Day.  The arrival of this “Day of Love” can produce a broad spectrum of experiences for those who are touched by it.  For some it will glide in on the wings of new-found love and breathtaking romance.  For others it will simply not arrive at all – or at least not in the way it is desired.  Either way, has Valentine’s Day evolved into just another holiday which places the focus of what it is we all imagine ourselves to desire in a relationship firmly in the thoughts, choices, and actions of another?  Will he buy me flowers?  Maybe he will shower me with expensive jewelry or escort me to the finest restaurant in town?  Perhaps she will have sex with me?  Will I even be the recipient of a thoughtful card?

But what happens when the thoughts, choices, and actions of another on this particular day fall short of what we are hoping to experience?  Is Valentine’s Day truly a day of love, a celebration of partnership, a reminder of our unity?  Or rather, is it just another day of consumerism, the perfect setup for unrealistic expectations, and perhaps more divisive than cohesive when it comes to moving forward in our partnerships?

Are we so attached to the external shiny objects that are dangled in front of our senses on this day – the flowers, the candy, the jewelry, the food, the sex, the presents, the promises – that we lose sight and stray off of the path that will truly lead us to the experience of joy, happiness, and love in our relationships?

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not a prude.  And I love romance – hey, I am the “Romance & Relationship” columnist after all!  But I have found myself on the receiving end of feeling disappointed on Valentine’s Day for not receiving a card or a gift and constructing some pretty harsh judgments around that, placing myself in a position of asking myself, “What is that about?”  Especially when that particular person never let a moment go by where his love and presence were not wholly known and deeply felt in ways that transcended the potential of any material expression.

If God does not want or need anything from me, why do I place those expectations upon the person with whom I share my life’s journey?  Could it be that somewhere along the line I was taught and then adopted the idea that love was measured in direct proportion to that which I was either giving or receiving?   The more you give me, the more you love me?  The more I receive, the more I am loved?

And if that is not the case, then how DO we express this thing called “love”?

How do we express that which is so profound and so complex and so seemingly “unexpressable” in our limited human capacity?

My life has demonstrated to me that the answer to that question is foundationed in first understanding and living each moment of your life in full awareness of the Agenda of your Soul, and understanding that the people with whom we share a relationship also have a Soul Agenda — whether they are aware of it or not.

But what  does the Agenda of my Soul have to do with Valentine’s Day?  Or my partnership?  Or anything I do, for that matter?

It has everything to do with not only those things, but each and every choice I make and the entire purpose of my life.  If I am clear on the Agenda of my Soul — or at least recognize that I have one — and when my partner, too, is living in alignment with his Soul’s Agenda, then our love, our companionship, our presence in each other’s life becomes an expression of that purpose and that intention, creating moment after moment of experiencing our communion with God and Unity with each other, reaching completion of that which we are here to experience…Over and Over and Over again…knowing ourselves as Soulmates and remembering who we really are.

I could be wrong.  It could really about the chocolates and the lingerie and the sappy cards.  I could measure the extent of my spouse’s love and commitment against the value of the gifts he may – or may not – give to me.  I could hinge the purpose of our relationship upon a single day, in single a year, and what I “get” out of it.

But I don’t think so.

I sense that it is much, much larger than that.  I may happen to receive a sweet card or some exotic flowers or perhaps go out for a romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day.  Or I may not.  Either way, I am very clear on one thing:  my Soul will not yearn for more or less than the perfect experience of being exactly who I already know myself to be:  LOVE.

(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation.  She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)

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  • Erin/IAm

    Gotta love our opportunities to be wiser consumers. Oh the hustle & bustle of stores to decorate, light up, & colorfully advertise what they want us folks to buy…for whatever ‘day’ they come up with to do so.

    Funny how many of our holy days are ‘complimented’ by ‘treats’…chocolates, candies, cookies, cakes, & totally sugared-out fruits. And liquors…choice wines, cute martinis & cocktails, bubbly champagnes. And sparkleys…What woman in their ‘right mind’ doesn’t want a ‘Chocolate’ Diamond? (marketing genius!)

    And how many have sex on the brain thru-out these ‘deals’? Who wants it & what do I have to do/give to get it? Then there’s those that anguish about such…How do I get around having to give That?…quite manipulative contrivances to overcome the battle of ‘giving up/getting sex’. (aka. love-making..Kind of absurd, yes?) A subject few will delve deeper into, even though it is ‘the bottom’ line in much inter-related giving.

    We are sooo funny! 🙂

    I’ll stick with your version, Lisa…Love & Personal Best, always & all ways…no expectations. <3

  • Laura Pringle

    YEA!!! No Expectations! Just being grateful for whatever shows up. That is truly the basis of love, in my mind:)

    Screw commerce, it is an insidious evil based on the “There’s not enough” mindset which corrupts our whole society. Grrrr. I HATE the commercials which insinuate that the more you love someone, the more you spend. They make me want to vomit!!!

    Thanks, Lisa, for another thought-provoking article!:)

  • Nadina

    I really needed to hear (read) that. Thank you…

  • Lisa McCormack

    Thank you, everyone, for your wonderful comments and insights! I think the things we do as a society around the holidays can be fun and memorable, until we start defining ourselves by them and limiting our own potential in our relationships.

  • Terri

    This reminds me of Valentine’s Day many years ago. I just had a major relationship break up a few weeks earlier. I remember feeling so sad because I had no one to buy me flowers. Flowers are one of my favorite things. As the day went on my mind kept focusing on what I was missing and my mood was spiraling downward. Then it dawned on me, I did not miss the person or long for the relationship, I was just missing getting flowers.

    Once I recognized what a rediculous thought that was I was instantly happy and decided to go buy my own flowers. This was a great lesson to me that I have never forgotten. Focus on and be grateful for all you have in life and not on what is missing. Whatever you look for you are sure to find and I know being grateful makes me feel so much happier.

    Happiness to all on this Valentine’s Day, and I hope you enjoy all you have. Live happy!

  • Laura Pringle

    🙂 Aw, nice thought, Terri, and thanks for sharing this little story.