Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

I am a 28-year-old Indian woman.  I am quite attractive and a very loving person but have never been in a romantic relationship.  For some reason, the people whom I have fallen for have never reciprocated my love.  In India, marriages may also be arranged by your friends or family.  I really want to have love in my life, but I want it to come naturally. I do not want to look for a partner or go for an arranged marriage. I am really confused as to whether I should make a conscious effort, like joining a matrimonial site, or do I wait for love to come by?  I really can’t imagine getting married to a person whom I do not love…please guide.

Pilar, India 

Hi Pilar,

First of all, thank you for reaching out, for listening to the voice of your soul and being brave enough to ask if there is another way to find love that is more in alignment with who you really are, as well as how to find it.  The answer to your question of whether or not to go actively searching for it or wait for love to come by is…neither.  Instead, here are two other approaches that I’m going to offer you today, Pilar:

One of the greatest messages from Conversations with God is that if there is something you’d like to experience in life, the quickest way to do so is to give it away, give it to another.  The very act of doing so is a statement to the Universe that it is yours to give, and in the actual giving of it, you are indeed experiencing that thing you said you wanted to experience.  For example, for someone who wants to experience being rich, sharing what little they do have with someone who has even less can produce a tremendous experience of being rich.  Now, in the situation of intimate love, this can be kind of challenging.  It doesn’t necessarily mean going around telling everyone you see that you’re in love with them (unless, of course, that serves you).  Instead, it means fully expressing all kinds of love – to your family, your friends, your pets, your fellow humans walking their own path.  It also means giving yourself the experience of being in love with you.  Treat yourself with the same love, appreciation, respect, kindness and tenderness that you would your significant other.  Take the time to express that love to yourself, through loving thoughts, words, and deeds.  You see, what happens when you do this is that your focus is shifted towards love itself, versus the perceived lack of it in your life, and via the process of creation, you can’t help but call forth more of it into your life.

The second approach is an approach that I would offer, no matter what the external challenge or problem, is to first of all stop worrying about how to make it happen (in other words, get out of the energy of the problem, as no solution is ever available in the same energy the problem exists in), and to go within and focus on your own alignment.  Neale calls this your “soul’s agenda” and offers the powerful question, “What does this thing (problem, choice, situation, etc.) have to do with my soul’s agenda?”  When you are living from your soul’s agenda, or living from a place of alignment, everything else quite literally comes together.  It works itself out.  In other words, love finds you, you don’t have to find it.  By the consistent attention to and raising of your own vibration, you open the door to allowing all of the things you desire in life to come through, and, in the process, you get to experience all of those feelings you thought you could experience only in the having of something external to you.  You get to experience them right here, right now.  It’s incredible.

So what does that look like, this alignment thing, or how do you tune into your soul’s agenda?  By focusing your attention inward, through meditation, journaling, practicing daily gratitude, whatever you resonate with that allows you to connect to that source within.  But here’s the key:  do so consistently.  Sometimes even the simple posing of the powerful question “what does this have to do with my soul’s agenda?” or even “what would my soul do here?”, without consciously trying to answer it, is enough to shift your attention, and the answer appears right exactly when it needs to.

Try the above approaches, Pilar, and much love to you in the process.

 (Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling.  She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )

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