Violence in America

A couple months ago I put the following thought out for those on my Facebook page: “Without diminishing my belief in the importance of eliminating all assault rifles from use in our world, I think the most intelligent and caring response to violence is to change the way we bring up our sons. How many mass murders or shootings of any kind are done by women? The real question is what avenues for solving problems and finding solutions are we giving to our male versus female children? We need to improve our understanding of our feminine side and share it more fully with our sons.”

I was delighted when all 14 of those on my Facebook page responded with thumbs up to this thought. I have been searching, just one of several avenues of thought to explore in my quiet times with God, for what we impart to our young women that we do not impart to our young men to the same degree. What is this life coping mechanism we share with women but fail to share with men? What is it that causes men to choose mass murder and gang shootings as a solution for solving problems? What is that difference in what we teach our children?

Today I found a partial answer to my question. Women are nurturers in far greater numbers than men. We need to greatly improve what we teach our young men about nurturing if we are serious about helping them change their relationship with one another, women, and society as a whole.

We, the moms and dads of the world are directly responsible for fostering this lack of nurturing in our young men. Yes, the difficulty of giving young men a good balance of nurturing is exacerbated by the social norms we live in, but we are responsible for those too. Social conditions and thinking in our country promote the fact that 95% of all single parent households are headed by women. That does not have to be our way of life. We have chosen it to the detriment of our young men. We moms and dads must teach or sons a different, more nurturing way to view their own parenthood.

I think it is more difficult for women to kill others because they have a deeper respect and feeling for life than men do. This directly relates to nurturing life, which is both a family and social expectation of women. Teach your sons to do for, to care for others, and you will teach them skills and thoughts that help them find better ways to solve their problems than killing one another.

I know this is just one aspect of what our children learn about living life that we should consider and change, but I do think it is a step in the right direction. What do you think? What would you add to this thought? Most importantly, what will you do about the problem? Government and legislation were not meant to solve this problem. But we are responsible and we should do something. Make the relevant changes in what you foster for our children and pass this on to everyone you know, giving them the opportunity to be part of the solution with us.

(Richard A. Thayer is a 65-year-old married father of five and grandpa of four and retired carpenter. He met God while in prison because of his stand against the war in Viet Nam. Richard lives in the USA and has written a book, “Love Alive, My Relationship With The Holy Spirit Of God,” which is available for free at

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  • Erin

    Richard…What a timely & perfect aspect to surface!

    Funny…Last night, I posed this request to 2 of my guys regarding Neale’s main post:

    “Express your feelings on the subject of social transparency.”

    The immediate retort from my 26 yo. was “Can’t do that…Guys just don’t do that.” The other wholly agreed. I was floored for a moment, realizing the truth in this statement & rephrased:

    “Do you find positive logic in social transparency toward becoming a higher-thinking specie?”

    This followed with an extensive & wonderful conversation.

    Hmmm…right? 🙂 However, understanding that these man-kinds have been guided with free-thinking & open mindedness…How can This be? They were raised in an expressive environment where at least one of both parents were ‘there’ for them, exampling near-extreme opposing choices of beingness…man of rigid tradition & rules, & woman who was nothing of the sort…man who felt that what he knew was good enough, & woman who ate of good brain & heart food every day, yet, put us together, and there was no thing we could not do…add kids, & Earth beautifully transformed in our hands (literally…we are adept in construction & landscaping). Nature was ever-part of Our Home, btw.

    Hmmm…so how can this be? I pondered this all night & I found your article this morning…See the funny? 🙂 I have to conclude, for now, that it is in the nature of the beast…and this nature is being ‘threatened’ on world-scale-consciousness level in this time, as the Patriarchy is collapsing. Perhaps bringing this to the attention of Our man-kinds Now, so that they can See this of their Selfs…while supporting the effort With them.(?) In Light of events, We All are presented opportunity to See Our connects & the balances being brought forth for re-view & re-adjusts…Perhaps what We have before Us is a freshening…beginnings of applied wisdom from both natures & Nature…finally becoming Oneness.(?) A Love-ly thought, indeed. 🙂
    Anyway, Richard…thanks for the timely topic…Great breakfast! Blessed be. <3

  • Christopher Toft

    Richard, thanks for the post. I believe that the male/female divide in violent behaviours reflects a false dichotomy in the understanding of human nature. There is a pan-human assumption that male behaviours= x y & z & female behaviours= a b & c. Males are incapable of expressing a b or c & females are incapable of expressing x y or z. The truth of human nature as I see it much more subtle. We all express a b c x y & z, but to some z comes more naturally, or a. Violence arises ironically from the assumption that love & power are incompatible, when in fact they are one & the same. This is what we need to teach all our children, not just the men.

  • Violence is unhealed pain, distorted love, seeking unhealthy expression do to a lack of appropriate education, role models, stories, proper spiritual guidance etc. It’s a cry for help. We will eventually out grow it & get tired of the negative drama addiction we seem so use to.

    Look at our entertainment industry for desensitizing many to violence.

    Eventually entertainment will be more dominantly transcending & inspirational. For now it’s just a growing minority.

    Until then, we seek our own deep inner peace first, so we can give it to others. We let that influence, spread to those we touch.