love
I am a 28-year-old Indian woman. I am quite attractive and a very loving person but have never been in a romantic relationship. For some reason, the people whom I have fallen for have never reciprocated my love. In India, marriages may also be arranged by your friends or family. I really want to have love in my life, but I want it to come naturally. I do not want to look for a partner or go for an arranged marriage. I am really confused as to whether I should make a conscious effort, like joining a matrimonial site, or do I wait for love to come by? I really can’t imagine getting married to a person whom I do not love…please guide.
Pilar, India
Hi Pilar,
First of all, thank you for reaching out, for listening to the voice of your soul and being brave enough to ask if there is another way to find love that is more in alignment with who you really are, as well as how to find it. The answer to your question of whether or not to go actively searching for it or wait for love to come by is…neither. Instead, here are two other approaches that I’m going to offer you today, Pilar:
One of the greatest messages from Conversations with God is that if there is something you’d like to experience in life, the quickest way to do so is to give it away, give it to another. The very act of doing so is a statement to the Universe that it is yours to give, and in the actual giving of it, you are indeed experiencing that thing you said you wanted to experience. For example, for someone who wants to experience being rich, sharing what little they do have with someone who has even less can produce a tremendous experience of being rich. Now, in the situation of intimate love, this can be kind of challenging. It doesn’t necessarily mean going around telling everyone you see that you’re in love with them (unless, of course, that serves you). Instead, it means fully expressing all kinds of love – to your family, your friends, your pets, your fellow humans walking their own path. It also means giving yourself the experience of being in love with you. Treat yourself with the same love, appreciation, respect, kindness and tenderness that you would your significant other. Take the time to express that love to yourself, through loving thoughts, words, and deeds. You see, what happens when you do this is that your focus is shifted towards love itself, versus the perceived lack of it in your life, and via the process of creation, you can’t help but call forth more of it into your life.
The second approach is an approach that I would offer, no matter what the external challenge or problem, is to first of all stop worrying about how to make it happen (in other words, get out of the energy of the problem, as no solution is ever available in the same energy the problem exists in), and to go within and focus on your own alignment. Neale calls this your “soul’s agenda” and offers the powerful question, “What does this thing (problem, choice, situation, etc.) have to do with my soul’s agenda?” When you are living from your soul’s agenda, or living from a place of alignment, everything else quite literally comes together. It works itself out. In other words, love finds you, you don’t have to find it. By the consistent attention to and raising of your own vibration, you open the door to allowing all of the things you desire in life to come through, and, in the process, you get to experience all of those feelings you thought you could experience only in the having of something external to you. You get to experience them right here, right now. It’s incredible.
So what does that look like, this alignment thing, or how do you tune into your soul’s agenda? By focusing your attention inward, through meditation, journaling, practicing daily gratitude, whatever you resonate with that allows you to connect to that source within. But here’s the key: do so consistently. Sometimes even the simple posing of the powerful question “what does this have to do with my soul’s agenda?” or even “what would my soul do here?”, without consciously trying to answer it, is enough to shift your attention, and the answer appears right exactly when it needs to.
Try the above approaches, Pilar, and much love to you in the process.
(Nova Wightman is a CWG Life Coach, as well as the owner and operator of Go Within Life Coaching, www.gowithincoaching.com, specializing in helping individuals blend their spirituality with their humanity in a way that makes life more enjoyable, easy, and fulfilling. She can be reached at Nova@theglobalconversation.com. )
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to: Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
Extra! Extra! Read all about it…Love Is All There Is and There Is Enough!
Let’s see if these two concepts can be combined into: There Is Enough Love For Everyone! Society teaches competition at every level, including love. Children are even taught, through concepts like sibling rivalry, that: parental love is limited, will be rationed, and is something for which to be fought.
My family recently experienced this, on a smaller scale, as my brother and sister-in-law brought a beautiful son into the world. Many people asked if my daughter was jealous of how excited the extended family was about the new baby. My answer was, “No! Why would she be?” The response: “Well, grandma’s attention will be divided.” Divided attention does not have to equate to hurting either person. In actuality, because of how we have exemplified love in our home as limitless, unconditional, and all-powerful – feeling jealous of a new baby, for whom she was so excited to meet and shower love upon herself – has never crossed her mind.
I think there are two possible ways to look at love: If you teach your children that when you have more people to love, the power of it is multiplied and there is more to go around, children will see love as limitless. They will not fear the addition of new people to their families. They will embrace them as adding new color, joy, and adventure to their life; rather than fearing that the new person can take something away from them. If, on the other hand, you teach your child that love is conditional, in short supply, or finite, then your child will feel threatened by new additions to their life.
While holidays may be different, get-togethers changed, and the attention of family members shared, it doesn’t have to be viewed in a negative light. As with everything else, how we chose to interpret the world influences our experience. We can help children look to the added richness of having a new baby in the family, the times they will share together, the excitement they have of getting to give love to another human, and of having the chance to teach what they know to someone new!
Instead of children walking through life feeling afraid of “who will grandma/mom/dad love more?” you can instill a feeling of peace that children have nothing to fear! My question to you, then, is, “Why does it have to be one or the other?” Why can’t we choose to teach our children that grandma can love all of her grandchildren equally? Why does one new cousin/sibling being born have to mean that the other child’s life is going to change for the worse? Can we create a world in which a child being born into a family is assumed to add beauty and love to the lives of the existing children rather than to add stress, strife, and jealousy?
Imagine the change society would experience if this generation of children grew up experiencing a world in which we don’t have to compete for the love of our families! They might just cooperate and enjoy the companionship of their siblings and cousins instead.
Imagine if that enlarged into children who didn’t feel the need to compete with each other for friendships! They might just find they can cooperate and enjoy friendship and camaraderie with all of their classmates.
Imagine a world, in which, instead of competing with each other to the point of backstabbing and undercutting to get “ahead,” children grow up understanding that cooperation, companionship, and assisting each other to move forward together helps us all in the end!
Again, I ask you…Why does it have to be one or the other? Isn’t it time we truly teach our children: There is enough love for everyone?
(Emily A. Filmore is the Creative Co-Director of www.cwgforparents.com. She is also the author/illustrator of the “With My Child” Series of books about bonding with your child through everyday activities. Her books are available at www.withmychildseries.com. To contact Emily, please email her at Emily@cwgforparents.com.)
Yes, it is almost here again, Valentine’s Day. The arrival of this “Day of Love” can produce a broad spectrum of experiences for those who are touched by it. For some it will glide in on the wings of new-found love and breathtaking romance. For others it will simply not arrive at all – or at least not in the way it is desired. Either way, has Valentine’s Day evolved into just another holiday which places the focus of what it is we all imagine ourselves to desire in a relationship firmly in the thoughts, choices, and actions of another? Will he buy me flowers? Maybe he will shower me with expensive jewelry or escort me to the finest restaurant in town? Perhaps she will have sex with me? Will I even be the recipient of a thoughtful card?
But what happens when the thoughts, choices, and actions of another on this particular day fall short of what we are hoping to experience? Is Valentine’s Day truly a day of love, a celebration of partnership, a reminder of our unity? Or rather, is it just another day of consumerism, the perfect setup for unrealistic expectations, and perhaps more divisive than cohesive when it comes to moving forward in our partnerships?
Are we so attached to the external shiny objects that are dangled in front of our senses on this day – the flowers, the candy, the jewelry, the food, the sex, the presents, the promises – that we lose sight and stray off of the path that will truly lead us to the experience of joy, happiness, and love in our relationships?
Don’t get me wrong. I am not a prude. And I love romance – hey, I am the “Romance & Relationship” columnist after all! But I have found myself on the receiving end of feeling disappointed on Valentine’s Day for not receiving a card or a gift and constructing some pretty harsh judgments around that, placing myself in a position of asking myself, “What is that about?” Especially when that particular person never let a moment go by where his love and presence were not wholly known and deeply felt in ways that transcended the potential of any material expression.
If God does not want or need anything from me, why do I place those expectations upon the person with whom I share my life’s journey? Could it be that somewhere along the line I was taught and then adopted the idea that love was measured in direct proportion to that which I was either giving or receiving? The more you give me, the more you love me? The more I receive, the more I am loved?
And if that is not the case, then how DO we express this thing called “love”?
How do we express that which is so profound and so complex and so seemingly “unexpressable” in our limited human capacity?
My life has demonstrated to me that the answer to that question is foundationed in first understanding and living each moment of your life in full awareness of the Agenda of your Soul, and understanding that the people with whom we share a relationship also have a Soul Agenda — whether they are aware of it or not.
But what does the Agenda of my Soul have to do with Valentine’s Day? Or my partnership? Or anything I do, for that matter?
It has everything to do with not only those things, but each and every choice I make and the entire purpose of my life. If I am clear on the Agenda of my Soul — or at least recognize that I have one — and when my partner, too, is living in alignment with his Soul’s Agenda, then our love, our companionship, our presence in each other’s life becomes an expression of that purpose and that intention, creating moment after moment of experiencing our communion with God and Unity with each other, reaching completion of that which we are here to experience…Over and Over and Over again…knowing ourselves as Soulmates and remembering who we really are.
I could be wrong. It could really about the chocolates and the lingerie and the sappy cards. I could measure the extent of my spouse’s love and commitment against the value of the gifts he may – or may not – give to me. I could hinge the purpose of our relationship upon a single day, in single a year, and what I “get” out of it.
But I don’t think so.
I sense that it is much, much larger than that. I may happen to receive a sweet card or some exotic flowers or perhaps go out for a romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day. Or I may not. Either way, I am very clear on one thing: my Soul will not yearn for more or less than the perfect experience of being exactly who I already know myself to be: LOVE.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
As I take more time to look around and examine what is going on in the world today, it has become clear to me that most people are confused about the true nature of love. In the book The Storm Before the Calm, Neale Donald Walsch says you may ask yourself, “What is confusing about love?” However, I believe the question could be, “What is the true nature of love and could I have it confused with something else?”
I have stated in my writing before that love is a feeling, not just a word. Love is, in my opinion, part of our DNA. It can’t be avoided. It is the nature of the human soul to experience the feeling of love, especially between a parent and child. It is the kind of love that never separates you no matter what. No distance, no absence, etc., can dissolve a love that is born unto you.
So as I observe some relationships between parents and their children, I have strongly begun to suspect that what I am witnessing may actually be a confused idea about the true nature of love. In our society today, we have put fear in place of love, control in place of love, guilt in place of love, or other emotions have been expressed in place of love. As a parent, it is quite common to allow those emotions, actions, and reactions to show through, shadowing the true nature of love.
What is the true nature of love?
It is you…just being. It is teaching, it is understanding, compassion, tears, laughter, and it is nature itself. There is nothing you have to do to love, nothing you have to be. Love is just being, allowing, and listening. I am not suggesting that as a parent you should not react to anything or not express frustration or even anger; I am merely suggesting that love is just there and you can nurture it through that understanding.
The true nature of love is “hot-wired” in our developing brain in the womb. For example, our sexual orientation is within that wiring, but many strongly believe that is not natural to love and share in a physical relationship with the same gender. However, very young children do not see gender. Sure, on the outside they might notice differences, but not on the inside, not in the soul. That, in my opinion, is the true nature of love.
Let me give a stronger example. What if we, the human race, never spoke a single word to one another? What if love was only expressed through our actions with everyone we encountered on a daily basis, and especially with our children? What if words never influenced any of us regarding politics, religion, the color of our skin, our sexual orientation, etc? How do you think your child would view the world, themselves, their parents, their friends? And as they grew, how do you think this would affect how they would internalize love and show love outwardly in the world? Imagine if we couldn’t express judgment onto our children through our confusion about the true nature of love? What if we, rather, allowed them to just be what they are, “Love,” through guidance, affection, compassion and the five natural emotions – explained in Conversations with God as love, fear, envy, anger and grief- of course, all while doing so without condition!
My thought is that if we begin to understand that we have a confused idea about the true nature of love…and then move toward an expression of pure love…our world would change, morph into a beautiful ball of loving energy. I can have that idea about love, can’t I?
(Laurie Lankins Farley has worked with Neale Donald Walsch for approximately 10 years. She is the Executive Director of his non-profit The School of the New Spirituality and creative co-director of CwGforParents.com. Laurie has published an inspirational children’s book “The Positive Little Soul.” She can be contacted at Parenting@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
“I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s just so….dreamy. His eyes, his hair, his smile, all completely flawless. And his personality…I never thought people could be as amazing as he is. He’s so funny, and so clever. He has to be the nicest person I’ve ever met and probably will ever meet. He’s perfect in every possible way. If only I could go out with him…then my life would be totally complete.”
If this has ever represented YOUR thought pattern, then you’re definitely not alone. I cannot even begin to count the number of friends, movies, and songs I have heard sending the EXACT the same message. Whether it be from Taylor Swift or Radiohead, fixating on the impeccable guy or the incomparable girl is certainly not a foreign concept to teenagers. When we seem to find this supposed ‘perfect guy’ or ‘perfect girl’, all we seem to be able to do is think of just how perfect they are. Every waking moment becomes filled with thoughts of them. Or is it?
Many people who feel these thoughts and anxieties simply call them the side effects of being Love Drunk or Love Sick. As fixation is the most common symptom, we wonder whether we spend more time thinking of the person or about the person. Is there a difference, and if there is, does it mean anything at all?
After some deep introspection, we realize that we more often seem to fall in love with the concepts of people rather than with people themselves. When our minds are filled with the thoughts of the other person, we are thinking more of how they seem to ‘complete our lives’. When thinking only about the concept of a person, love turns into an addiction – one not powered by love, but by obsession. We are obsessing over what we think we don’t have, and how we think that this other incredible person will bring it into our lives. The obsessive part of both crushes and intimate relationships both arise from the same basic concept: He/She is perfect, I’m not perfect, He/She will make my life perfect.
Whenever we think “You complete my life” or even “I can’t live without her/him”, we know it is hardly the truth. Chances are, you’ve been living a pretty full 13, 15, or 18 years of your life already. But before we even look out into the world, we must first have a very, very solid foundation in our inner world. The majority of the “love drunk” relationships we enter are based more on our personal deficiencies, rather than our desire to share our highest experience and understanding of Who We Are. In order to have a relationship that is truly the dual expression of love, we must sober up our own sense of self.
Instead of placing the title and expectation of ‘perfection’ on another, we can be our own source of personal fulfillment. Though we seem to neglect this fact, we know that there is not anything we lack in our lives. Let me repeat that, there is not anything we lack in our lives. We only believe in this lack because we see ourselves as separate from it. Whether it be generosity, kindness, or compassion, know that you can manifest it in your own life without any outside help to do it for you. By knowing that you are a source of love, a source of joy, a source of compassion, you become your own fulfillment of your emotional desires.
When you develop these desired attributes within yourself, you don’t need to find them in others. By NOT setting that expectation on your (both imagined and actual) significant other, you can see who They Really Are. Enjoying them for Who They Are, rather than for What They Will Add To Your Life, is what makes a real relationship. So instead of being Love Drunk or Love Sick, let go of the obsession and let yourself enjoy their presence. Trust me, it’s far more fulfilling.
(Lauren is a Feature Editor of The Global Conversation. She lives in Wood Dale, IL, and can be reached at Lauren@TheGlobalConversation.com)
This week my goal has been to write the next lesson for the School of the New Spirituality’s website CwGforParents.com. The Conversations with God concept I’ve had in mind is “Every act is an act of self-definition.” Little did I know that I would have the opportunity to experience this very concept in real time… well, I guess I should have expected the Universe (by the “Universe” I understand I am saying myself) to present me with an instance of that which I write, as often happens when I am writing about…well…anything! But seriously, Self, did it have to coincide with the U.S. gun debate? A matter which I had most definitely decided against writing about? Ah, therein lies the rub! I had avoided the topic, so I, and the Universe, made sure I had to confront my own fears and feelings about it to be sure I understood. Well played, my friend. Well played.
Please keep in mind as you proceed that while you are about to read my story, it could easily be anyone’s story. And while how I handled myself, in this particular situation, may have worked for me in the moment, it may not work in every moment. So I invite you, as you read the story, to ask yourself: How would I wish to define myself, if I were ever to be in a similar situation, with my child?
I am always cautious and aware of my surroundings but try not to be overly concerned about safety as I am a pretty optimistic, love-seeing person. But my safety instincts are on higher alert when my daughter is along. She and I were walking to our car in a part of town which I would not classify as either overly dangerous or overly safe, when a young male began to stalk us like a lion would stalk its prey. I noticed his odd behavior immediately, but the fact that he didn’t strike while we were out of our car indicated to me that he hadn’t yet committed to his course of action. Still it was also obvious his intention wasn’t to say an innocuous, “Hi! How’re ya doing?” Of course, if he asked me for my purse and the keys to my car before we had gotten inside, he could have had them!
Anyway, once inside the car, I watched as he prowled and paced, casing the area checking out his chances with both, us and the surrounding parked cars – looking in windows and watching us; assessing, I guess for vulnerability, belongings, etc. Beyond my intuition of interpreting his movements, it is hard to describe what was happening other than that he was acting aggressively, making a clear show that he had control of the exit of the one-way street. He was erratically crossing back and forth in front of my car and using threatening body language. I sat calmly for a few moments, remembering that fear would only feed a potential power struggle and tried to keep my wits about me; calling upon my inner knowing for guidance. I couldn’t really turn the car around because the street was too narrow. I also didn’t feel I could reverse the car up to the previous block. I knew the best way out was to proceed forward, cautiously. I took a deep breath and made a call on my cell phone because I figured that would accomplish a couple of things: Making an obvious show of being on the phone would establish a “witness” of sorts and might make him think twice before acting; especially since he already seemed in conflict with himself. I also thought it would help me to convey confidence, without being overly confrontational, that I was getting myself and my daughter out of there safely. In retrospect, it might have been smarter to call the police, but I called my mom…sorry, Mom!
So, as I pulled slowly away from the curb, he made a show of jogging away, and as I suspected, was waiting for me as I turned the corner into the alley (the only exit from the street), blocking the way, with his hands on his hips. I looked at him – straight in the eyes – and slowly but confidently kept driving, talking animatedly on the phone, all the while repeating in my mind, “We are safe.” He was, by this time between five and ten feet in front of me and I guess he felt it was time to make a decision. He nodded his head to me, stepped aside and let me pass, at which time I sped away! The whole incident probably lasted for only three minutes.
I cannot be sure what he intended. I cannot be sure if it was my confidence and love in the face of his indecisiveness that stopped him or if he was just playing a game and trying to scare me. Maybe my daughter’s light surrounded us, an angel was in the front seat with me, a host of other possibilities, or all of the above could have affected the outcome. I just don’t know. All I know is that we left safely. I didn’t have to threaten violence. I didn’t have to pull a gun. I did have the luxury of a car around me as a measure of protection and I could have driven fast if I had to. But even in that moment when I thought, “Oh, I understand what it means to be willing to do anything to protect your child, including driving my car over another human being,” I still asked myself: “Who is to say our lives are more important than his?”
In the following days, a number of people who know my long-standing feelings about guns have said, “I bet you feel differently now! When are you going to go buy a gun?” My answer is the same as it has always been, but maybe even a little stronger. “No, I am not going to buy a gun.”
In the short moments of the event, I saw two scenarios lay out before me. I saw one in which, if I had different beliefs about the world, I could have flashed a gun (one I didn’t actually have, mind you) to show him who was the boss…in this imaginary scenario I could say I have the power and am not to be messed with! And then in that imaginary scenario, I saw it escalate faster than you can spell G-U-N. I saw him pull one faster than I could fire mine (or take mine from me) and I saw my daughter and me shot, bloodied, and dead. And I saw my husband flying home from his business trip to plan/attend our funerals because I stupidly flashed a gun I was not really prepared to use.
And then, in the other scenario, the one with the act I chose, and still choose, to define me, I chose love, compassion, and careful thought to understand that this was a conflicted kid who saw a possible opportunity and, maybe, needed a way out. I gave him that out by being confident, assertive, and non-threatening. I didn’t challenge him to a duel, but looked him straight in the eye, and conveyed with strength and love (of life, my daughter, and yes, even of him), “You don’t want to do this!”
I am so grateful for our safety. I am grateful that I, in some way, prevented him from that single act. And I pray that he thinks of that moment before he enters into the next act that defines him.
How will you choose to allow your next acts to define who you are? How will you illustrate how every act is an act of self-definition to your child?
(Emily A. Filmore is the Creative Co-Director of www.cwgforparents.com. She is also the author/illustrator of the “With My Child” Series of books about bonding with your child through everyday activities. Her books are available at www.withmychildseries.com. To contact Emily, please email her at Emily@cwgforparents.com.)
Isn’t it heartwarming and wonderful to watch very young children, two-, three-, four-year-olds, who express and demonstrate their love so spontaneously and unreservedly? It’s not unusual to hear the collective sound of a harmonious “awww” from observers on a playground witnessing two new young friends sharing in an impromptu hug or unforeseen kiss on the cheek. These children live in pure awareness. Their love is unfiltered, not yet programmed, authentic, allowing them to exemplify the level and kind of love we all yearn for but have somehow forgotten how to experience.
But why have we forgotten?
At some point in our childhood, we are exposed to and told to believe in a different kind of love. This different kind of love works swiftly to reprogram what we come here already knowing: that we already ARE love. This different kind of love then works tirelessly to convince us that if we “do this” or “be that” or “do things in a particular way,” we will finally earn and be rewarded the love of another. Haven’t we all, at some point or another in our lives, yearned to hear the words “I love you”?
But what do we really mean when we utter these three words to another with an underlying hope that we will, in turn, hear “I love you” back? To say nothing of the paralyzing fear that the possibility exists that we may not be the recipient of another’s confirmation of love. Would it be possible to be in a relationship where the knowing of one’s love was so palpable that the desire and need to hear this verbal affirmation would no longer present itself?
Somewhere along the way, in an attempt to capture the essence of love in a way that makes sense, we boxed it into our language, as we do many of life’s esoteric ideas and concepts, and formulated our own version of love. We have minimized, twisted, stretched, warped, contorted, and manipulated this small but powerful phrase — “I love you” — to the point that its meaning is almost spiritually unrecognizable. We hinge or hasten our expression of love upon some need-driven expectation of what we may or may not receive in return.
Imagine a world where we did not condition our love, or the expression of it, upon an assurance and acknowledgment that we will be loved back, a world where everyone demonstrates their love freely, openly, and unconditionally, where love was not bartered over or bargained for. I have, on more than one occasion, found myself asking the question: Are we even capable of experiencing unconditional love for a period of time beyond an occasional moment or two?
And the answer I receive is that if we fully awakened to who we really are – all of us – we would never place another condition upon our love. We would not need to prove love’s reciprocity because we would already know and feel its omnipresence. Fear and doubt would never cause us to hesitate in expressing our deepest gratitude and affection to anyone, as we would no longer buy into a perceived need to self-protect; but rather we would each place into the world our highest intentions and actions, giving freely from the source of our own abundance, understanding that the entire purpose of our being here in the first place has very little, if anything, to do with ourselves…and everything to do with all those with whom we share our path.
I once saw an interview with Tony Robbins, the well-known motivational speaker, where he was asked if he gets nervous before he walks out on a stage in front of thousands of people. His answer was (paraphrasing): “If I thought that going out on that stage had anything to do with me, I would be nervous, tongue-tied, struggling to find my words. But going out there has nothing to do with me. It is about those people in the audience. I am here for them.”
That, to me, is unconditional love, giving your gifts absent the necessity to receive anything particular in return, a choice and demonstration of your Highest Self which arises out of a deeper understanding of why you are here. Unconditional love asks, “Who am I in the room to heal? And how will I let them know I am here?”
Perhaps as our world continues to shed its Old Cultural Story, the one which carries with it a “different kind of love,” we will collectively begin to once again behold the world as our playground, just as we did when we were children, spontaneously and unreservedly declaring and expressing, returning to Love and a remembrance of Who We Really Are.
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support. To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com)
There is more love around. I can feel it. Or is there more love in myself?
Love and joy have no upper limit. You can carry only a certain amount of hatred, sadness and grief inside you, because at some point they will all change into love. This will happen either during this life or the next one. Universal love is infinite freedom. It is freedom to choose and to learn from one’s own choices.
You are never alone. You are always accompanied by love which manifests itself in different energies and forms of life. What you feel and perceive is different from what reality is. Your feelings and perceptions are but partial truths. The more you manifest love, the more you will feel and perceive yourself to be part of a whole, which is a good deal greater than the world you are living in.
There is much more love in the world than what is usually thought. People would be able to live in a much greater love for themselves, each other, nature and the whole planet if the distorted structures in our societies all over the world did not limit and suppress the expression of love.
Someone says that we are living in a loveless world. I say that we are living in abundant love. It is a different thing than whether we are able to discover and recognize the abundant love in ourselves. We are living in a world of illusions. The value system around us may rather be more destructive than loving. We are being sold self-esteem without love. Our yearning for love is appealed through our self-esteem.
Commercials and advertisements make us feel unhappy unless we acquire this and that. Those that we call charity organizations may say, ”Buy yourself a good feeling, donate for charity.” Love has been turned into merchandise. Yet love is free of cost. We can show love and radiate love around us all the time, and totally free of charge. If you saw the impact of love energies, you would understand their power. The spirit is stronger than matter.
Joy is free.
Joy is love.
Joy is in your attitude.
The more you feed joy and love, the more you will be them. This must happen unselfishly, without compulsion or artificiality. The world is full of pretension, smiles and promises which are not real. The world is also full of honesty, smiles and being which are real. You must recognize them in you and in others. You must recognize yourself. Do you know yourself? Many think that they recognize themselves, their expectations and needs although they only recognize the needs and expectations that the environment has
created for them.
Can you distinguish real love from market values? You can if you only want to. Can you distinguish between desire and love? For love is much more of the attitude “how I love” rather than “how I am loved.” The need to be loved has prevailed for too long over expression of real love in humanity. All kinds of means for being loved have been and are being used. People do things, buy products, and choose attitudes in order to be loved.
In the course of history many distorted attitudes have become generally accepted laws and patterns of behavior. The world is so full of these norms restricting love and freedom, rites and attitudes that an individual who expresses love may seem as unfit for the society…because love and freedom are one.
When we express love, we are free. There is no wrong in love. Real freedom is absolute love. The notion of freedom as well as that of love is distorted in our world. There are attempts to buy and attain both of them in ways that are nothing but delusion when compared with real love and freedom. In the most extreme case, nations think that they can buy freedom by reinforcing their armed forces. In doing so, are they imagining that they are buying love, too? For freedom is love. Freedom attained through life-destroying methods is dependency and fear. Fear is a challenge for reaching real love. Love has no fear. How could love have fear because love is eternal, infinite power and wisdom? Infinite love, infinite wisdom, and infinite power are in you. So why would you be afraid?
Fear is not in you. It is in the societal, social and economic structures. Fear is energy which maintains these structures. These structures are so distorted that they are sustained by life-destroying energies. They are antiquated energies which are having their death struggle, when at the same time life-constructing energies of love are manifesting themselves ever more widely.
(Timo Teide is an artist, author, and spiritual guide who lives in Finland. He has had dozens of art exhibitions and he has done meditative music and books about love. The healing power of art and the multidimensional impact of colors, forms and sounds are the most important elements of his art. Visit: www.teidegallery.com. Contact Timo: timo.teide@gmail.com.)
I am reading WECCE, and I am in need of such help right now. I am full of anxiety, fear, and loneliness for the first time in my life. During the past 2 months, my best friend moved away, my boyfriend, who I loved dearly, broke things off. Then last week my dog was killed. I know in my heart and soul that I am supposed to be going through these changes, but I’m having such a hard time letting things go. I built my life for two 1/2 years around my boyfriend. I have lived alone in several cities with job transfers, etc. And I LOVE where I am living now, and I thought I had met someone with so many interests. I had some of the best times in my life with this person, but he could not give me the spiritual support and move on to build a future with me. I completely lost and disliked myself. I KNOW of all this, so why is my heart just clinging to everything? Why can’t I feel ANY joy in anything I do or see? I try and try to see the beauty in my home, in nature, in ALL things that brought me such great joy. I just want to let everything go..let go of the pain, let go of the wondering of how I manifested this all. I never imagined I would feel such loneliness – ever.
I know my pain will heal and I will feel (and eat) normally again. I will continue to pray and meditate to love myself more. Here it comes…BUT…loving yourself when you are BY yourself is pretty easy (I think), as I have lived alone quite a bit in my life. The big test comes when you are joined with someone else. I have been emotionally unavailable and feared intimacy ALL my life – hence why I have attracted men that are the same. I want to do everything in my power to change that. How do I know when I’m really ready? And to really know that my subconscious is going to attract someone that will be good for me? Do I trust my feeling? How do I lose the fear? I would appreciate any help….
C.D.
Dear C.D.,
WECCE is about how to embrace Change (another word for God/Evolution), and how to choose how we live in that change. Part of that process involves looking at our current Truth. What version of that truth are we living? Most of us are living in distorted truth. We can, however, move pretty easily to apparent Truth by simply reframing it with no judgment. For instance, “My boyfriend broke things off” could merely be “My boyfriend is not with me anymore. ” “I completely lost and disliked myself” could be “I was not being who I really am in the relationship.” Even “I can’t feel any joy” could be transformed with “I am experiencing a lack of joy right now,” which would easily allow you to experience the lack of joy with Gratitude, because you know it is only what you are feeling right now, not something that has to go on forever…unless you choose to let it go on forever.
For every negative thought, there is the opposite positive one. Look for these opposites, C.D., as you re-train yourself. It takes practice! If you are even reaching out, it means that you are beginning to do just that…practice being good to yourself! Negativity is definitely not good for you or anyone else.
Take a good look, and you will see your post is all about the past! This has nothing to do, ultimately, with now…unless you allow it to be. In reading WECCE, you will have read that this is all past data. This past data came from many sources, all of which thought that they were protecting you in some way…and all of which were subconscious, and controlled by the ego. The ego is the part of you that defines you as human, as an individual human, but, nonetheless, is also the part of us that operates out of fear. This fear is designed to keep us in the familiar and actually stop us from moving into what is truly our better selves. Fear holds us in place in the now, not in the manner of being present, but from the place of looking back and avoiding looking and moving forward.
Life, as they say, begins at the edge of your comfort zone…and your comfort zone is fear. Why do you wish to live your life in fear? It is serving you in some way? Since all we do serves us. Do you get to define yourself as the person who is emotionally unavailable? or the person who is fearful of intimacy? In some way, this has served you, but do you wish it to continue to serve you? Yes, we can choose to love what the past has shown us (in this case you know intimately what fear and unavailable feel like and how you are when you embrace them) and actually choose to be the opposite of that! This is a world of context, of opposites, and if you know one thing, you are now very well able to know the other…if you choose to remember.
I would take the “gut” test when you have a thought. Your tummy will tell you if you are coming from fear or love. Ask yourself why you even feel you have to have someone in your life right now. How does the answer feel? Look in the mirror and look into your eyes and very quietly tell yourself you love you…and keep doing it.
The first time I read in CWG the part about saying out loud, “I love sex or money or…” and then it asked me to say loudly, “I love me!” I found it amazing that I was unable to say that without hesitation. Wow! And I am a pretty self-confident person, so I knew if it was difficult for me, it must be almost impossible for others. I was okay with all of it, but not the unabashed loving of myself!
C.D., not only can you tell yourself you love yourself, I would like to tell you something else…you are love! Just by being here, you have demonstrated that you are love! By writing this note, you have shown you can overcome fear, which is a supreme act of self love. How wonderful is that?
Be gentle with yourself and be proactive…choose! You are choosing Change right now, actively, because passivity has not served you well. Way to go!
Therese
(Therese Wilson is a published poet, and is the administrator of the global website at www.ChangingChange.net, which offers spiritual assistance from a team of Spiritual Helpers responding to every post from readers within 24 hours or less, and offers insight, suggestions, and companionship during moments of unbidden, unexpected, unwelcome change on the journey of life. She may be contacted at Therese@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
(If you would like a question considered for publication, please submit your request to Advice@TheGlobalConversation.com, where our team is waiting to hear from you.)
“I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change” is the title of a highly successful and now retired Off-Broadway musical in New York City which emphasized in a light-hearted fashion what has sadly come to be the not-so-light-hearted and oftentimes painful experience found in so many relationships: partnerships foundationed in neediness and expectation, two of the “three love-enders,” as described to us in the book Friendship with God, with the third “love-ender” being jealousy.
Conversations with God offers to us the following insight:
“When you lose sight of each other as sacred souls on a sacred journey, then you cannot see the purpose, the reason, behind all relationships.”
If we are entering into our relationships with the idea that our partners must BE a particular way or DO a particular thing in order for us to experience the depths of our own happiness and abundance, the expansiveness of our own joy and light, and the fullness of our own completeness and sufficiency, we are functioning within an understanding of “love with conditions” and misguided ideas of what perfection truly is.
In an era where the divorce rate exceeds 50%, what is really going on here? What are we not understanding and, thus, not being allowed to experience?
Are our limited understandings and parameters in relation to this institution called “marriage” too narrow to hold a space for a deeply fulfilling soul partnership to thrive? Have we placed unrealistic human boundaries on the aspect of ourselves that is without limits?
Most of us, at one time or another and at one level or another, have experienced the joyful bliss of a budding relationship and the devastating heartbreak of its demise. So many of us are yearning and searching for the perfect partner, what is often termed a “soul-mate,” only to experience repeated outcomes of disillusionment and disappointment; yet there are those who have discovered and held onto that seemingly elusive but deeply satisfying recipe of love and commitment.
Why does this experience of a spiritually rich and loving relationship evade so many in what seems to resemble a cruel game of hide-and-seek? It has been my own personal experience that a gentle shift in perspective can elevate a relationship from an experience of division and angst to an experience of unity and bliss. This type of shift will invite me to take a conscious step away from my expectations and attachment to outcomes; to separate myself from my mind’s craving to be “right,” which oftentimes requires making someone else “wrong”; and to be fully present in the completeness of not only myself, but in the completeness of my beloved other.
Perhaps someone, someday, somewhere will create and produce a musical about relationships that carries with it a message from within the perspective of The New Spirituality, and perhaps a title of…
“I Love You, Without Condition, Eternally.”
(Lisa McCormack is the Managing Editor & Administrator of The Global Conversation. She is also a member of the Spiritual Helper team at www.ChangingChange.net, a website offering emotional and spiritual support . To connect with Lisa, please e-mail her at Lisa@TheGlobalConversation.com.)
